What if in the most unexpected time you saw your first love?
It’s good to see the first guy you liked or loved or got attracted with. Either way. It’s like giving you a random nostalgia of your immaturity way back when you called yourself a “little girl”. Telling you that hey that’s the guy who made you laugh and smile. That guy was the one who gave gifts every special occasion. And that was the guy who made you cry over the phone with your best friend. That guy was it. But as you saw him standing as if a frozen guy in front of you, those thoughts wouldn’t matter. And what will spunk on your mind is that, Yes, I finally gotten over you. It was all sweet smirk. No glint of bitterness, but it was all set of funny realizations. I cried over you, but look at we’re now. Friends, comfortable conversing with each other. Talking with no hint of inhibitions. Talking just like a normal people.  Everything has really changed the last time you saw him. Especially the fact that you no longer have this kind of unexplained  connection. Both of you were just mere friends. At least friends, not strangers. You should be happy for that. Sometimes life gives you a certain moment to remind how silly you are before.
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2 thoughts on “

  1. Imagine your first love contacting you 35 years later to apologize. Imagine that boy was your first “everything” Imagine that the boy, the first love of your life…was the very one you hung on to in spirit decades later, the one you always thought of when you accomplished something. But more like in a way, I wish he could see me now so he could see what he missed out on…. (smile)….Well, that happened to me. We were engaged but his rages finally pushed me away. His childhoold was horrendous. He reminds me of the JJ Heller song “Love me” he is the boy with the past you would never believe….Horrible parenting caused him to have so many demons….me being so co-dependententy made for a horrible pair. I set out to fix him.
    Years later, he was my template for my own daughter of what NOT to end up with. I would tell her… “The first sign of a temper or jealousy, run like the wind!”
    He was going through a Men’s Mentoring Class. I was going to Weight Watchers, had just lost 50 pounds, was in the midst of a full blown Mid LIfe Crisis… And well, lets just say, the two combinations….not the best.
    Both his mom and my dad had since died. I had worked for his mom and he had worked for my dad. The people in our current lives had never met them…. it was kind of our connection. He is very successful because of my dad opening up doors for him. VERY successful… and gives my dad ALL the credit for believeing in him when he was a kid. My dad is gone, and I miss him terribly. One strike against everythiing that pulls in my heart that I should not have allowed pulled and one plus check for him. I could go on and on…
    But lets just make this quick…. I forgave him.
    I had “had” what I would say made up in my head if he ever contacted me about how if he thought this was going to be a warm and fuzzy reunion, he could just forget it. He had messed me up for life… kind of speech.
    Well, almost two years later, I am still dealing with the reconnection. From the very beginning, I was up front with my family, saying I was just getting the “closure” we needed to both move on. My wise daughter read some of the correspondence and said, “Mom, I don’t think it is closure he is looking for.”
    She was right.
    He hasn’t lived with his wife for over twenty years, I just celebrated my 19th with my husband. I was looking for romance. How romantic is it for your husband to forgive you?
    I am still so confused. I heard someone in an interview say, “You can’t break what’s already broken.” That kind of summed it all up for me. Though, I am learning…. That you can… fix what was broken.
    I am now writing a book about it all… Changing names etc… but your post just made me want to share. Crazy, I have hinted pieces of my story on my own blog, but never shared this much, anywhere… there is something about your blog that feels so safe.
    I love your writing. You are such an old soul. Embrace your youth!
    XOXO

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  2. Thank you di for sharing a piece of you. Thank you for trusting my page. Well, I guess you can’t give what you don’t have. 🙂 but at the end of the day, you still forgave him. That’s one thing I admire from you. Forgiving the person who had done bad at you, is a great relief. You are a strong woman. Thanks for sharing it. And I guess, I can write something about that. I’ll just tag you. 😀

    much love,
    amae

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